I'm tempted to start doing it. Instead of buying DVDs.
Why?! I hear you cry.
Simple. Every freaking DVD which I have BOUGHT with my HARD-EARNED money recently has INSISTED on boring me with the fact that movie piracy is theft. They show me "adverts" about it. They repeat copyright warnings in 786 languages, 782 of which I don't even remotely understand.
Even worse - I can't skip these sections easily - I have to fumble around with the fast-forward button. Anything else and the section repeats. Some of them are rather long.
I accept that they want to tell people that piracy is wrong. I accept that they are so frustrated with the issue that they are keen to ram it forceably down peoples throats. However. Think on this.
If I download a ripped, DVD quality version of the same movie - not only is it (nearly) free, but, I won't have to put up with the advert! Therefore, by trying to put me off nicking films, I'm given a clear advantage to doing so!
Tip: If you want to point out to people that copying films is wrong, it's probably a bit frigging dumb to point it out to PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALREADY LEGALLY PURCHASED A COPY OF THE DAMNED FILM! Especially in such an annoying way!
Friday, 29 December 2006
Thursday, 21 December 2006
A world gone mad!
Truly. A world gone mad.
Amongst tonights purchases from Asda (affectionately known as "The Hell Hole"), were some fresh custard and some peanuts.
I am so glad that these items warned me of their nefarious, hazardous contents.
"Warning: Contains Milk" - on the custard. Well. F*** Me. Custard. Made with MILK. Personally I prefer to use crushed beetles and left over pieces of brick.
You can guess what was written on the peanuts. I can only conclude from my continued survival that I indeed do NOT have a nut allergy.
Good Grief.
Amongst tonights purchases from Asda (affectionately known as "The Hell Hole"), were some fresh custard and some peanuts.
I am so glad that these items warned me of their nefarious, hazardous contents.
"Warning: Contains Milk" - on the custard. Well. F*** Me. Custard. Made with MILK. Personally I prefer to use crushed beetles and left over pieces of brick.
You can guess what was written on the peanuts. I can only conclude from my continued survival that I indeed do NOT have a nut allergy.
Good Grief.
Wednesday, 20 December 2006
Bring back Celebrity Deathmatch!
Oh. Joy.
My goggle-box has just reliably informed me that season 7008 of "Celebrity Big Brother" will be starting in January. Excellent. That take Channel 4 and E4 out of the viewing options for a few weeks, then.
My my. But I'd just LOVE to watch a set of z-list celebrities proving that they're a bunch of twats (just like most Big Brother contestants). And I'm desperate to watch them sleeping - semi-live.
Bring back Celebrity Deathmatch - only this time - don't stop at animation!
Or perhaps we should go the whole hog. Yes folks - your votes really do count - we've got a big cannon and two rubbish celebrities - vote for your favourite OR WE'LL LAUNCH THEM INTO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN!!
My goggle-box has just reliably informed me that season 7008 of "Celebrity Big Brother" will be starting in January. Excellent. That take Channel 4 and E4 out of the viewing options for a few weeks, then.
My my. But I'd just LOVE to watch a set of z-list celebrities proving that they're a bunch of twats (just like most Big Brother contestants). And I'm desperate to watch them sleeping - semi-live.
Bring back Celebrity Deathmatch - only this time - don't stop at animation!
Or perhaps we should go the whole hog. Yes folks - your votes really do count - we've got a big cannon and two rubbish celebrities - vote for your favourite OR WE'LL LAUNCH THEM INTO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN!!
The road to hell..
I shall not bore you with all of the gory details relating to tonights brief trip through hell, err, I mean Asda. Instead, I'll point out the chief annoyances, and also a tiny anecdote which suggests that we are indeed deemed to become a nation of idiots. Soon.
I paid the wrong price for a Sweet Potato in Asda tonight. Because after a couple of minutes examining "The big book of fruit and veg", the woman on the check-out decided it reminded her most of a parsnip, and opted to put it through asuch. Perhaps she didn't notice that it's a completely different colour and shape.
Other things which wind me up about supermarkets in general (and Asda in particular) include:
People trying to pay with string (you know what I mean - "Oh, wait a moment, I know that I have £17.56 in pennies somewhere on my person, and there are only three thousand people in the queue behind me - I'll just search all of my body cavities to find the exact change..").
Automated check-outs. These would be great IF inbetween every single item being scanned they didn't blurt out "Please ask for assistance." or the dreaded "Unexpected item in bagging area".
Combine that with the fact that old men seem to think the way to make the queue move faster is to repeatedly nudge the person in front in the legs with their basket, and you've got a thoroughly grumpy shopping trip in store. One day someone is going to end up having a lurid green plastic shopping basket surgically removed from somewhere painful..
I paid the wrong price for a Sweet Potato in Asda tonight. Because after a couple of minutes examining "The big book of fruit and veg", the woman on the check-out decided it reminded her most of a parsnip, and opted to put it through asuch. Perhaps she didn't notice that it's a completely different colour and shape.
Other things which wind me up about supermarkets in general (and Asda in particular) include:
People trying to pay with string (you know what I mean - "Oh, wait a moment, I know that I have £17.56 in pennies somewhere on my person, and there are only three thousand people in the queue behind me - I'll just search all of my body cavities to find the exact change..").
Automated check-outs. These would be great IF inbetween every single item being scanned they didn't blurt out "Please ask for assistance." or the dreaded "Unexpected item in bagging area".
Combine that with the fact that old men seem to think the way to make the queue move faster is to repeatedly nudge the person in front in the legs with their basket, and you've got a thoroughly grumpy shopping trip in store. One day someone is going to end up having a lurid green plastic shopping basket surgically removed from somewhere painful..
Wednesday, 13 December 2006
Hurrah! Amtrak have delivered.
Finally. Only two weeks late, Amtrak have delivered our package.
In the end I had to get the "delivery guy" to phone me on my mobile so that I could come outside and find him. So much for the notion that he might know where he was supposed to deliver things to.
In addition, it appears that a large mammoth has played football with the package in question. Yay.
We shall find out later if it's going back or not..
In the end I had to get the "delivery guy" to phone me on my mobile so that I could come outside and find him. So much for the notion that he might know where he was supposed to deliver things to.
In addition, it appears that a large mammoth has played football with the package in question. Yay.
We shall find out later if it's going back or not..
Maybe I took the wrong driving test..
I really do wonder if I may have inadvertantly taken the wrong driving test. Perhaps there is another one which I should have taken. You know. The one where they make sure that you undertake, abuse double yellow lines and generally behave like a first class nobber.
Today's shout-out for ridiculously bad driving goes to:
The Audi A6 whose driver didn't seem to comprehend that simply driving at my rear right quarter as fast as possible while we were going through a junction would not mean him getting in front of me. It did nearly involve him ending up in my back seat, but that would have, quite frankly, served him right.
The painted-up-to-the-nines Subaru Impreza whose owner decided he didn't like the traffic on his way to work (he actually ended up parking just in-front of me at the same building). He solved this by using the other (oncoming) side of the road for a good 300-400 yards. Not a bit of it. Not half of it. All of it.
The two utter twats who "parked" their delivery lorries (fully) in the left hand lane of a two-lane road. Ignoring the double yellow lines, because they needed to drop off some dog food or something to a corner shop.
And last, but not least, the 14 year old mum whose technique of crossing roads is slightly different to "stop, look, listen". Like so many other loving mothers, she relies on the "Thrust pram into road. Wait for screeching sound of brakes to stop. Cross road as slowly as possible."
We should overthrow the government and organize a cull. You know it makes sense.
Today's shout-out for ridiculously bad driving goes to:
The Audi A6 whose driver didn't seem to comprehend that simply driving at my rear right quarter as fast as possible while we were going through a junction would not mean him getting in front of me. It did nearly involve him ending up in my back seat, but that would have, quite frankly, served him right.
The painted-up-to-the-nines Subaru Impreza whose owner decided he didn't like the traffic on his way to work (he actually ended up parking just in-front of me at the same building). He solved this by using the other (oncoming) side of the road for a good 300-400 yards. Not a bit of it. Not half of it. All of it.
The two utter twats who "parked" their delivery lorries (fully) in the left hand lane of a two-lane road. Ignoring the double yellow lines, because they needed to drop off some dog food or something to a corner shop.
And last, but not least, the 14 year old mum whose technique of crossing roads is slightly different to "stop, look, listen". Like so many other loving mothers, she relies on the "Thrust pram into road. Wait for screeching sound of brakes to stop. Cross road as slowly as possible."
We should overthrow the government and organize a cull. You know it makes sense.
Monday, 11 December 2006
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